Pathological Laziness
Hello. It’s me again. And in the homestretch of the final weeks of my first year of college. And what am I doing? Nothing productive, I can say that much. I read through my past. Before I had this one, I had a Xanga and a blogger. Honestly, who didn’t have a xanga way back when? And as I do when I read back my high school days, I thought to myself “Wow, I was a snivelling little asshole”. I’d like to say that it was just the wisdom of maturity that was looking back at my youthful self, but I don’t think I’m old enough to say things like that.
Honestly, I think I don’t handle failure well. Or just bad things that happen to me in general. That’s what I’ve learned reading back on my high school days. These problems of bad grades and failure started long before I even thought of college. Because, well who likes handling stuff that makes us feel like crap? But people do it. The buck up, stop crying, and work harder to prove that they can do better. But I’m too apathetic to do that. I just don’t care. As long as I get by, I get by, and that’s enough for me. At least, most of the time.
I want to succeed and do better, but it’s hard for me to stay motivated with all that drive. If only I could bottle it and just take a sip of it when I need to do something that requires all of my attention. If only.
And this is what annoys me most. I realize this. I know of this problem. I know I should be doing something to fix it. And then I ask for a ridiculous cure for my problem. And nothing ever gets done. It’s a never ending cycle. So I offer this instead.
Dear Alex: Stop being an emo bitch. Get your shit together. Finish something. And make your own happiness.
